Story: The Queen of Hearts' Diary

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

The Queen of Hearts Maze at Disneyland Paris

Dear Diary,

I was walking along with my loyal soldiers when I saw the sight that I never wanted to see. Some little thing was wandering about my garden. Oh and what is this.... three subjects faced down on the ground. I asked the thing (it was a little girl) what her name was and she simply stated that it was Alice. What a strange name... I decided to ask her what my subjects were doing and she claimed to have no mind in the matter. Who was she to say this!? My face got hot and I wanted her head to roll! My dear King cooled my temper and I moved on to see what the gardener subjects were doing. As it turns out, they were painting my flowers. My beautiful red roses were actually white! My face became hot yet again and I needed their heads off, no its ands or buts about it.

When I heard that their heads were off, I felt so much better. Then I wanted to play a round of croquette. I was even nice enough to invite this little Alice. I yelled at everyone to get to their places, and they did just as I was told... thankfully, or I would have had to take their heads off so prematurely. I played wonderfully, as usual! And I only had to chop off a few heads in the process. But then some idiot cat came along, and I did not appreciate him one bit. His floating head made my mind spin. At least I could hear Alice mumble something about my winning to the toothy creature... maybe I shall keep her around longer.

Anyways, it was taking way too long to behead the cat. I grew impatient and so I sort of told everyone that if it wasn't done soon, all would see the blade. But then Alice squeaked out that the cat belonged to my prisoner, the duchess. I decided to have some guards fetch her. She obviously needed to be questioned.


Author's Note: The story of Alice in Wonderland always fascinated me, and I have always loved the croquette scene due to the hedgehogs (used as the balls). The queen is the ultimate crazy person, and so I decided to write the story in her point of view. I saw it as a diary entry, as if she could show it to her therapist... which she obviously needs in order to get a handle on her anger issues!

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland-Part B

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

The White Rabbit

A Mad Tea-Party: Alice approached and saw the hare, the hatter, and a door-mouse squeezed together at a table, despite there being plenty of other chairs. The hatter was inquisitive and asked Alice why a raven was like a writing desk. The bunch was very difficult to understand, and they were very questioning of each other. Even Alice declared out loud that she had no idea what they were saying.

A Mad Tea-Party (cont.): The mouse fell asleep and they poured tea on his nose. No one had an answer for the hatters riddle, including the hatter. They then argued over time, as if it were a him. They talked about taking with him as well as how time could change just by asking. Then they wanted to hear a story from the mouse. The story was about sisters who lived in a well, and the mouse insisted that Alice drink some more tea, despite her not even drinking any yet.

A Mad Tea-Party (end): Alice decided to get some tea and bread with butter while the mouse continued to tell the story of the well. It didn't quite make any sense either and the bunch decided to switch chairs around the table. The mouse's story began to make even less sense and Alice decided to leave. She soon found her way back to the glass table and went through the door with the garden.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground: She saw white roses that were being painted red by life-sized playing cards. She caught their attention just as the queen was approaching. There was a large precession that Alice watched until the Queen came up to her. The Queen didn't like Alice's attitude, and she wanted to chop her head off. Luckily, the king persuaded her otherwise. Instead she wanted the heads of the gardeners, but Alice protected them secretly. Then the queen asked her to play croquette.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground (cont.): Soon everyone was lined up to play, meaning the cards as arches, hedgehogs as balls, and flamingoes as sticks. The game was obviously extremely difficult to play, as things were constantly moving and the queen kept shouting. She began to get scared, and wanted to try and escape, but then the smile of the cheshire cat appeared.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground (end): She told the cat how the game was quite unfair. Then the queen and king came along and didn't like the cat, wanting him dead. While they were away, Alice tried to play a little more, but it was still difficult. She then came across the king, queen, and executioner who were in argument about the killing of the cat, since he was just a floating head after all.

Who Stole the Tarts?: There was a trial to be started, but Alice was too busy longing for the wonderful tarts in her sight. She saw the king as the judge, the random bunch of animals as the jurors, and the white rabbit the herald. A witness was called first and it was the hatter. He was quite nervous, and even bit a tea cup instead of bread.

Who Stole the Tarts? (cont.): Just then, Alice began to grow and grow, all while the hatter was questioned. He just kept saying that he was a poor man, and hadn't known of what the judge was asking. Soon the hatter was out of the door before the queen could even have him beheaded. The next witness was the cook, who simply claimed that the tarts were made of mostly pepper. Then Alice was called to the stand.

Alice's Evidence: When Alice was called, she accidentally knocked over most of the jurors, trying to fix them as best she could. She simply stated that she knew nothing of the matter. Alice continued to grow, and they questioned it. She tried to blow it off, and just then the rabbit came with a paper written by the prisoner. The king claimed that the knave had to have written it, despite his claims otherwise.

Alice's Evidence (cont.): In the paper was what seemed to be entirely meaningless words. By this time, Alice was full grown, and this gave her reason to talk back to the queen. Of course the queen grew upset, and wanted Alice to be beheaded. Alice claimed that all the cards were simply cards, why should she fear them? But they stated to attack her just as she woke up from this dream. Her sister woke her up and offered her tea... what a curious dream!

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland-Part A

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

John Tenniel - Illustration from The Nursery Alice (1890)

Down the Rabbit-Hole: Alice saw a little white rabbit with a waistcoat and decided to follow him down a very long and dark hole. She thought to herself the entire way down. The sides of the hole were stocked with shelves of books and pictures along with even a marmalade jam. She wondered where she might end up at the end of her fall, perhaps Australia. 

Down the Rabbit-Hole (cont.): She thought of how much she missed her cat, and wished that it was there in the hole with her. After a while she grew sleepy and kept repeating things over and over again until she finally landed in a heap of leaves. She could still see the rabbit and decided to keep chasing him, only to find herself in a room with a table of three legs. Sitting on this glass table was a little key. It had to go to one of the doors in the hall, but when she saw a curtain and decided to look behind it, the key fit in that small little door that could only fit a rat. She peered in to see a wonderful garden. She decided to go back to the table, and this time she saw a little bottle that was labeled, "drink me."

Down the Rabbit-Hole (end): Upon drinking the funny liquid in the bottle, Alice began to shrink to a size even smaller than the tiny door. Unfortunately, she had left the key on the top of the table, which was now impossibly out of reach. She tried to give herself a nice little pep talk, which usually worked but this time it didn't. She then caught sight of a small little cake that said "eat me." Of course she did exactly this. She grew and grew until she wasn't even able to speak proper English.

Advice from a Caterpillar: Alice found her way to a caterpillar who stared at her for a very long time until finally asking who she was. Alice was quite confused by the recent series of events that had just happened to her, and in fact had no idea who she was anymore. After some argument, Alice stormed away from him until he shouted for her to come back. She did and he gave her some short advice which made her even more mad (in both ways).

Advice from a Caterpillar (cont.):  Just then Alice told the caterpillar a story that he declared what entirely wrong. he then asked what size she wished to be, to which she replied no particular size but just one that is consistent. After much debate and deliberation, the caterpillar took one final smoke from his hookah before telling her that one side of a mushroom would make her grow and the other side would make her shrink. Of course Alice had to experiment with the mushroom until she was extremely tall.

Advice from a Caterpillar (end): Soon, very tall Alice was run into by a pigeon who was sure that she was a serpent due to the length of her neck. The poor thing had not slept in many days while keeping a lookout for serpents (due to having eggs). After trying to convince the pigeon that she was in fact a girl and wasn't looking for eggs, the pigeon flew off. Alice was finally able to nibble at the mushroom again until she reached her proper height. She continued on until she came across a tiny little house, and so she was forced to eat more of the mushroom to shrink back down again.

Pig and Pepper: Soon she saw a couple of footman who had the faces of fish have an exchange at the door of the house. She head one say to the other that he was invited to play croquette with the Duchess. After this, Alice decided to go ahead and knock on the door, to which one of the footman told her that there was no use of doing. She wanted to know how to get in and after arguing with this creature as well, Alice grew more and more frustrated. So she decided to just march in the door only to find a cook with some overly peppered soup and a duchess nursing a baby. She also saw a cat who smiled much too large to be normal, and so she asked the duchess about the cat. The duchess told her that he was the cheshire cat and called her a pig!

Pig and Pepper (cont.): Alice then realized the duchess was referring to the baby as a pig when they continued conversation about the smiling cat. Suddenly the cook started to throw everything at the duchess and baby. This completely shocked Alice! They seemed to pay absolutely no mind to this, and the duchess even began to sing a rather violent lullaby to the baby as she threw him up in the air and then at Alice. She caught the little pig baby hybrid and tried to tell it how to be a proper baby, but it paid no mind to her.

Pig and Pepper (end): Soon Alice decided that the baby would make a much better pig than child and let it wander off in the forest. She then saw the cheshire cat again in a nearby tree. She and the cat spoke about going places (meaning the act of simply going somewhere other than where you are presently). He then pointed her in the direction of some people in the area who were mad, as he thought everyone there was, including Alice. He asked her to come play croquette with him and the queen before disappearing and reappearing again. He kept doing so until only his large grin remained. She decided to follow along a path until she came to the house of the march hare. She had to use the mushroom to grow a bit, and readied herself to go.