Story: The Awful Wife

Story source: Russian Fairy Tales by W. R. S. Ralston (1887) The Bad Wife

Robber by Pixabay

There once lived a couple who were not in a very happy marriage. The wife would never listen to her husband, in fact, if he said to do (or not to do) something she would do the exact opposite. For example, if the husband cooked dinner and asked her to come eat, she would refuse to eat. If he asked her to come to bed, she would refuse sleep. Even if he told her not to do something dangerous, she would do it anyways. The husband lived a rough life, and would often have to leave the house in order to clear his mind.

One day, the husband went to the store in order to get some groceries. He went to the back of the store to get some ice cream, and saw that there was a man who was about to rob the store and take customers for ransom. So, the husband left the store and told his wife to stay away from the ice cream aisle, and even better to not go grocery shopping at all. Of course, he knew that his wife would do exactly this. So, like he thought, she left for the store and headed straight for the ice cream section. The robber was just starting to pull his gun out when she arrived.

The husband decided to drive back to the store a few hours later in order to see what had happened to the wife. As soon as he pulled up, the robber was running out of the store. He explained to the husband that an absolute crazy woman was in there and that he just couldn't stand her any longer. She wouldn't cooperate with police, doing exactly the opposite of what they told her to do, and she was actually the one take to jail.

So the robber and the husband made a deal. The robber would steal, and the man would get half of the money as long as he never told anyone who was doing the robbing. The two were able to get a lot of money, but the robber soon decided to rob a government building. The robber told the husband that if he turned him in, then he would kill him.. as this was going to be the greatest and final heist. The husband knew that what was happening was wrong, and that it had to end.

So the husband told the robber that the crazy woman worked in the government building, and the robber didn't know what to do. He was already in the building, so he could try to rob the bank and face the woman, or he could follow the husbands advice and get caught on purpose in order to avoid the woman. He decided jail was the better option.

The husband was smart, knowing that the robber would go to jail where he belonged, and that his former wife would still be in jail as well... thus tormenting the robber for many years to come. The mayor repaid the husband for tipping off the police and he lived happily as a single man.

Author's Note: I thought that the original story was fascinating because the husband used the wife's evilness to his advantage. In the original story, the robber is actually a demon who possesses people, and the final heist was the ultimate possession of a princess. The demon ended up back in hell with the wife, and the husband was repaid by the king with many riches. 

Reading: Russian Folktales-Part B

Story source: Russian Fairy Tales by W. R. S. Ralston (1887)

Gravestone by Pixnio

The Witch Girl: There was once a militia man who came across a cottage that was really sketchy. The village was supposed to be plagued by death that evening, but the man said that he would keep guard. At midnight a ghost appeared in the window. The militia man drew his sword and cut off her arm, causing her to leave the village. Everyone was alive in the morning, but one of the villagers daughters was sick.... with a cut off arm. The determined she was a witch and killed her.

The Headless Princess: There once was a king with an enchantress daughter. In the same village was a priest with his son. He would go to learn from an old woman, and one day was walking home late. While on his walk, he saw the girl take her head off to wash it. Soon the princess fell ill, asking that the boy say a prayer above her three times in death. The boy was scared to do so, but was warned that it would all be okay if he just didn't look behind him. He did just this, despite the princess rising from the dead and threatening him. Next he was to hold up a hammer to the coffin and four nails. He did this and was able to show everyone that she was a witch.

The Warlock: There once was a peasant with three married sons. When he was dying, he asked the wives to look over him for three days, asking them to make wool caftans. However, the wives didn't pray, and so he strangled them. Except for the third, who wore a cross and was able to kill the father with it's presence.

The Fox Physician: There once was on old couple that grew cabbage in the basement and ash-hole. The basement grew much better, so much that it grew past the roof. At the top was a mill of pie, cake, and even stew. The man slid back down to earth and went to get his wife who wanted to go, but he accidentally dropped her and she fell in a heap. The man came across a fox who said he could save her, but really he just cooked her in a bath and ate her.

The Fiddler in Hell: There once was a peasant man with three sons. He hid money, but never told anyone where. One day, a fiddler fell into hell and saw the peasant man there. the peasant told the fiddler to go home and not be greedy like him, or he too would end up in hell. But before the fiddler could, some demons saw him. The fiddler played for three years until being able to go back to earth. He told the sons of the money and they shared it with peasants... it only grew the more they gave away! Eventually the peasant man was released from hell because of this.

The Two Friends: There were two friends who were like brothers. They made a pact to invite one another to their wedding even if they were dead. One of course died and the other was going to be married. On the way to his ceremony, the live one went to the grave and invited his friend. But the dead friend invited the live one to come have a drink with him in the grave, not knowing that three hundred years of time would pass. When he went back to the surface, nothing was the same.

The Shroud: There was once a lazy, gossip girl who invited friends over to spin. She fed them and they chatted. She was dared to go and take a picture from the church if they all spun her work for her. She did this, and on her way back home from returning it, she was a corpse at the graveyard. She stole a shroud from the corpse, which came back to the girl's house to get it back. She would not give it to the corpse at the graveyard, and so the girl was taken down to the earth, only leaving her hair behind.

The Coffin-Lid: There once was a peasant whose horse grew tired at a graveyard. While there, he saw a corpse come out from the ground, put it's coffin lid at the church, and headed for the village. The man took the lid, and waited. the corpse came back after killing two villagers. The man asked how he could save them, if he gave back the lid. The man was able to save them and the village was told the story.. and thus able to stake the corpse so it would kill no longer.

The Two Corpses: There was once a soldier on his way home. He passed a graveyard and was called to by a corpse that was chasing him. He fled to a chapel where another corpse was laying down. He hid, and when the first corpse arrived, the two corpses debated on who would eat the man. But they argued until sunrise and so they died. The man was saved and thanked God.

The Dog and the Corpse: There was once a peasant who went with his dog to find game. He passed a graveyard and saw a corpse. It chased them and the dog began to fight with it. The owner ran off and the dog fought until sunrise. Then the dog came home and bit at the master for not helping it. They had to chain the dog up and eventually kill it because of the grudge.

The Soldier and the Vampire: A soldier was going home one day and decided to see an old miller friend. They chatted until dark, and the soldier left for home, despite his friends warning about a warlock that was terrorizing the village. He came across the warlock who invited him to a wedding. The warlock killed all of the guests after drinking too much, but could bring them back to life if he pleased. The two then fought until daylight and then the warlock fell dead. The soldier was able to bring the wedding party back to life and the village burned the warlocks body, bringing peace to the village.

Reading: Russian Folktales- Part A

Story source: Russian Fairy Tales by W. R. S. Ralston (1887)

Russian Copecks

The Dead Mother: There was once a lovely couple who had a little boy. Sadly, the mother died in childbirth, leaving the father to care for him alone. He hired an old woman to care for the baby, who cried all day, yet slept all night. Soon they began to realize that someone was coming in to suckle the baby at night, this calming him. They decided to spy out all night and see who was doing this. Finally, they saw the mother's ghost, feeding the child from her breast. They were terror stricken, and soon saw that the baby was dead.

The Treasure: There was once an old couple that were very poor. Sadly, winter came and the woman passed away. But the husband had no money to pay for a funeral. No one would help him dig a grave for free, so he went to digging himself. Luckily, he came across a pot of gold, going back to the pope. After paying the pope, they had a proper funeral for the woman. They feasted, and the pop couldn't help but ask where the gold came from. He became jealous of the man, and decided to dress up as the devil in order to get the gold for himself. But when his wife tried to cut the goatskin costume off, the skin had became one with his body. God had punished his greed.

The Bad Wife: There was once an awful wife who never listened to her husband. One day, to escape the grief, the husband went to pick berries and found a large pit. He went home and told the wife to not go pick berries, knowing she would now. She fell into the pit and the husband joyfully went home. He went to see how things were going, and he pulled a demon out of the pit who begged not to be sent back in the pit with the awful woman. The demon would go around possessing people, and when the man would appear, he would leave. Thus the man was now rich, and the demon would go posses the princess. But the man tricked the demon into going back to the pit, and he lived happily with half of the kings riches.

The Three Copecks: There was once a poor little orphan who decided to sell himself as a slave to the king. He was paid, but would throw the payment into the well, only claiming it until it floated three years later. He bought a kitten that he saved from torment, and then went to sit on a merchants ship. The merchant wanted the cat to chase the mice, and the boy made a deal with him. But when the merchant was offered gold for him, he sold the cat with no intentions of giving the boy any of the payment. The seas began to torment him, and after paying, the storm stopped and he gave all the gold to the boy. The boy then was granted a single wish when he spent the gold on incense. He wished for a wife and did get one.

The Miser: There was once a very stingy merchant. He saw a man give to a beggar that he had just passed by and felt bad, and so he borrowed from the man in order to give to the beggar. When the man came to get his money back, the merchant claimed over and over again that he had no change. The merchant decided to act like he was dead, but when the man took him to be prayed upon in a coffin, he was not able to keep the act up. However, it scared the men who were robbers of the church, and they were able to split the loot amongst themselves.

The Water Snake: One a girl went to bathe in the river when a snake decided to lay on her clothes, only to move if she married him. She had to agree but went home for a week and acted as if nothing had changed... that is until an army of snakes showed up at her home. They stole her and her mother, and took them to the river where they turned into people. The mother left and the girl lived in the water and had three kids. One day, she went to visit her mother and took her kids with her. But the mother tricked the girl into sleeping and went to kill the husband. The girl found out and turned her kids and herself into birds.

Friday: There once was a woman who did not respect Mother Friday, and so she was punished with flax powder in her eyes. She realized what she was being punished for and was very mad at herself for doing so. She prayed for Mother Friday to forgive her and to let her free of her sins. So Mother Friday came back and took the powder out of her eyes.

Wednesday: A woman was spinning until the very early morning, and she prayed to Mother Wednesday to allow her to wake in the morning after a nap to continue spinning. She fell asleep only to wake up to an old woman setting a fire on her stove. She was told to fetch water by Wednesday, but the woman was frightened, and went to her neighbors house instead. the neighbor gave her advice on how to get Wednesday to leave. She did just this and it was successful.

The Leshy: One day a priests daughter went wandering about, and was gone for three years. A huntsman was with his dog in the woods when he came across a peasant. But it was really a forest creature. He chased him to a hut, where the daughter was. The hunter took the girl with him back to town and the priest was very happy. He let the two be married, and the creature was never to be seen again.

Dnieper, Volga, and Dvina: There once was these three orphans. They worked like slaves and were very unlucky souls. They searched far and wide for places to live and settle. The sisters were smarter than their brother, and they left him in a less than desirable place. He woke and chased them into the sea, where they all dispersed.

Emilian the Fool: There was once three brothers; two smart and one dumb. The older two smart ones left and had the younger one look after their wives like a mother. The wives sent him to get water, but while doing so he caught a fish to eat. The fish begged to be put back in the water for good luck. The man did this and by magic, was able to tell things and people to do things for him and it would happen. He ended up at the palace and even married the princess. The two built a castle bigger than the kings himself, and lived happily ever after.

Story: The Queen of Hearts' Diary

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

The Queen of Hearts Maze at Disneyland Paris

Dear Diary,

I was walking along with my loyal soldiers when I saw the sight that I never wanted to see. Some little thing was wandering about my garden. Oh and what is this.... three subjects faced down on the ground. I asked the thing (it was a little girl) what her name was and she simply stated that it was Alice. What a strange name... I decided to ask her what my subjects were doing and she claimed to have no mind in the matter. Who was she to say this!? My face got hot and I wanted her head to roll! My dear King cooled my temper and I moved on to see what the gardener subjects were doing. As it turns out, they were painting my flowers. My beautiful red roses were actually white! My face became hot yet again and I needed their heads off, no its ands or buts about it.

When I heard that their heads were off, I felt so much better. Then I wanted to play a round of croquette. I was even nice enough to invite this little Alice. I yelled at everyone to get to their places, and they did just as I was told... thankfully, or I would have had to take their heads off so prematurely. I played wonderfully, as usual! And I only had to chop off a few heads in the process. But then some idiot cat came along, and I did not appreciate him one bit. His floating head made my mind spin. At least I could hear Alice mumble something about my winning to the toothy creature... maybe I shall keep her around longer.

Anyways, it was taking way too long to behead the cat. I grew impatient and so I sort of told everyone that if it wasn't done soon, all would see the blade. But then Alice squeaked out that the cat belonged to my prisoner, the duchess. I decided to have some guards fetch her. She obviously needed to be questioned.


Author's Note: The story of Alice in Wonderland always fascinated me, and I have always loved the croquette scene due to the hedgehogs (used as the balls). The queen is the ultimate crazy person, and so I decided to write the story in her point of view. I saw it as a diary entry, as if she could show it to her therapist... which she obviously needs in order to get a handle on her anger issues!

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland-Part B

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

The White Rabbit

A Mad Tea-Party: Alice approached and saw the hare, the hatter, and a door-mouse squeezed together at a table, despite there being plenty of other chairs. The hatter was inquisitive and asked Alice why a raven was like a writing desk. The bunch was very difficult to understand, and they were very questioning of each other. Even Alice declared out loud that she had no idea what they were saying.

A Mad Tea-Party (cont.): The mouse fell asleep and they poured tea on his nose. No one had an answer for the hatters riddle, including the hatter. They then argued over time, as if it were a him. They talked about taking with him as well as how time could change just by asking. Then they wanted to hear a story from the mouse. The story was about sisters who lived in a well, and the mouse insisted that Alice drink some more tea, despite her not even drinking any yet.

A Mad Tea-Party (end): Alice decided to get some tea and bread with butter while the mouse continued to tell the story of the well. It didn't quite make any sense either and the bunch decided to switch chairs around the table. The mouse's story began to make even less sense and Alice decided to leave. She soon found her way back to the glass table and went through the door with the garden.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground: She saw white roses that were being painted red by life-sized playing cards. She caught their attention just as the queen was approaching. There was a large precession that Alice watched until the Queen came up to her. The Queen didn't like Alice's attitude, and she wanted to chop her head off. Luckily, the king persuaded her otherwise. Instead she wanted the heads of the gardeners, but Alice protected them secretly. Then the queen asked her to play croquette.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground (cont.): Soon everyone was lined up to play, meaning the cards as arches, hedgehogs as balls, and flamingoes as sticks. The game was obviously extremely difficult to play, as things were constantly moving and the queen kept shouting. She began to get scared, and wanted to try and escape, but then the smile of the cheshire cat appeared.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground (end): She told the cat how the game was quite unfair. Then the queen and king came along and didn't like the cat, wanting him dead. While they were away, Alice tried to play a little more, but it was still difficult. She then came across the king, queen, and executioner who were in argument about the killing of the cat, since he was just a floating head after all.

Who Stole the Tarts?: There was a trial to be started, but Alice was too busy longing for the wonderful tarts in her sight. She saw the king as the judge, the random bunch of animals as the jurors, and the white rabbit the herald. A witness was called first and it was the hatter. He was quite nervous, and even bit a tea cup instead of bread.

Who Stole the Tarts? (cont.): Just then, Alice began to grow and grow, all while the hatter was questioned. He just kept saying that he was a poor man, and hadn't known of what the judge was asking. Soon the hatter was out of the door before the queen could even have him beheaded. The next witness was the cook, who simply claimed that the tarts were made of mostly pepper. Then Alice was called to the stand.

Alice's Evidence: When Alice was called, she accidentally knocked over most of the jurors, trying to fix them as best she could. She simply stated that she knew nothing of the matter. Alice continued to grow, and they questioned it. She tried to blow it off, and just then the rabbit came with a paper written by the prisoner. The king claimed that the knave had to have written it, despite his claims otherwise.

Alice's Evidence (cont.): In the paper was what seemed to be entirely meaningless words. By this time, Alice was full grown, and this gave her reason to talk back to the queen. Of course the queen grew upset, and wanted Alice to be beheaded. Alice claimed that all the cards were simply cards, why should she fear them? But they stated to attack her just as she woke up from this dream. Her sister woke her up and offered her tea... what a curious dream!

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland-Part A

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865)

John Tenniel - Illustration from The Nursery Alice (1890)

Down the Rabbit-Hole: Alice saw a little white rabbit with a waistcoat and decided to follow him down a very long and dark hole. She thought to herself the entire way down. The sides of the hole were stocked with shelves of books and pictures along with even a marmalade jam. She wondered where she might end up at the end of her fall, perhaps Australia. 

Down the Rabbit-Hole (cont.): She thought of how much she missed her cat, and wished that it was there in the hole with her. After a while she grew sleepy and kept repeating things over and over again until she finally landed in a heap of leaves. She could still see the rabbit and decided to keep chasing him, only to find herself in a room with a table of three legs. Sitting on this glass table was a little key. It had to go to one of the doors in the hall, but when she saw a curtain and decided to look behind it, the key fit in that small little door that could only fit a rat. She peered in to see a wonderful garden. She decided to go back to the table, and this time she saw a little bottle that was labeled, "drink me."

Down the Rabbit-Hole (end): Upon drinking the funny liquid in the bottle, Alice began to shrink to a size even smaller than the tiny door. Unfortunately, she had left the key on the top of the table, which was now impossibly out of reach. She tried to give herself a nice little pep talk, which usually worked but this time it didn't. She then caught sight of a small little cake that said "eat me." Of course she did exactly this. She grew and grew until she wasn't even able to speak proper English.

Advice from a Caterpillar: Alice found her way to a caterpillar who stared at her for a very long time until finally asking who she was. Alice was quite confused by the recent series of events that had just happened to her, and in fact had no idea who she was anymore. After some argument, Alice stormed away from him until he shouted for her to come back. She did and he gave her some short advice which made her even more mad (in both ways).

Advice from a Caterpillar (cont.):  Just then Alice told the caterpillar a story that he declared what entirely wrong. he then asked what size she wished to be, to which she replied no particular size but just one that is consistent. After much debate and deliberation, the caterpillar took one final smoke from his hookah before telling her that one side of a mushroom would make her grow and the other side would make her shrink. Of course Alice had to experiment with the mushroom until she was extremely tall.

Advice from a Caterpillar (end): Soon, very tall Alice was run into by a pigeon who was sure that she was a serpent due to the length of her neck. The poor thing had not slept in many days while keeping a lookout for serpents (due to having eggs). After trying to convince the pigeon that she was in fact a girl and wasn't looking for eggs, the pigeon flew off. Alice was finally able to nibble at the mushroom again until she reached her proper height. She continued on until she came across a tiny little house, and so she was forced to eat more of the mushroom to shrink back down again.

Pig and Pepper: Soon she saw a couple of footman who had the faces of fish have an exchange at the door of the house. She head one say to the other that he was invited to play croquette with the Duchess. After this, Alice decided to go ahead and knock on the door, to which one of the footman told her that there was no use of doing. She wanted to know how to get in and after arguing with this creature as well, Alice grew more and more frustrated. So she decided to just march in the door only to find a cook with some overly peppered soup and a duchess nursing a baby. She also saw a cat who smiled much too large to be normal, and so she asked the duchess about the cat. The duchess told her that he was the cheshire cat and called her a pig!

Pig and Pepper (cont.): Alice then realized the duchess was referring to the baby as a pig when they continued conversation about the smiling cat. Suddenly the cook started to throw everything at the duchess and baby. This completely shocked Alice! They seemed to pay absolutely no mind to this, and the duchess even began to sing a rather violent lullaby to the baby as she threw him up in the air and then at Alice. She caught the little pig baby hybrid and tried to tell it how to be a proper baby, but it paid no mind to her.

Pig and Pepper (end): Soon Alice decided that the baby would make a much better pig than child and let it wander off in the forest. She then saw the cheshire cat again in a nearby tree. She and the cat spoke about going places (meaning the act of simply going somewhere other than where you are presently). He then pointed her in the direction of some people in the area who were mad, as he thought everyone there was, including Alice. He asked her to come play croquette with him and the queen before disappearing and reappearing again. He kept doing so until only his large grin remained. She decided to follow along a path until she came to the house of the march hare. She had to use the mushroom to grow a bit, and readied herself to go. 

Story: Pa the Storyteller

Story source: American Indian Fairy Tales by W.T. Larned, with illustrations by John Rae (1921)
Based off of Iagoo, the Story-Teller and Shin-ge-bis Fools the North Wind

My personal picture of my Pa: Over 80 years old and still building cars!

There was once an amazing grandfather who was simply called Pa. He was loving to all of his grandchildren and would tell them stories in order to teach them life lessons. He would also tell these stories to help his grandchildren face their fears of the world, and to know that courage and intelligence can get you anywhere.

One day, one of his granddaughters asked him to tell her about tornadoes. As a young girl growing up in Oklahoma, she was very afraid of tornadoes. So, Pa told her about the invention of storm shelters. He told her that long ago, man and nature had a quarrel.....

Man was the new ruler of the world, afraid of nothing. This was something that the wind did not take lightly. The wind used to be feared by all, but man make a mockery of the wind. Man would show no fear when wind blew fiercely across the land, even when animals would tremble in fear. The wind decided to gather as much strength as possible, and soon a tornado was up and roaring. It headed straight for the man, chasing him for many miles. Soon, they reached a large hole in the ground. The wind found this as a perfect chance to trap the man. However, when the man jumped in the hole, the tornado couldn't reach him. Therefore, something that the wind thought would be the downfall of man, actually ended up saving him.

Author's Note: I decided to write this story because Iagoo reminded me of my Pa immediately. He is someone who is always teaching me something and telling me stories, both silly and serious. I wanted to keep the wind and man as the main characters, but I also decided to put my own personal twist into the story as well. Growing up in Moore, OK has been a challenge, but it has also made me stronger as a person as well. I hope that this story was relatable and still was close to the original as well.